Lost

by Ros Schwartz © 1998
www.dancinginthewind.ca

The last time I saw my grandmother whole
we shared lunch across my mother’s kitchen table
She painted stories for me
childhood: seven sisters in one bed
teen years: dancing on stage at summer camp
early days of marriage: travelling with her two year old daughter, living in a tent

vague images now, light and shadow in my memory

I wish I could remember what she said

I did not know this moment would not come again

and so I watched the clock
let the present pull me from the past
left when it was time to meet a friend downtown

why did it ache so much to say goodbye

The next time that I saw her
my grandmother could not remember who I was.

Published in Canadian Woman Studies Journal
Summer/Fall 1998 - Volume 18, Numbers 2 & 3
Looking Back, Looking Forward: Mothers, Daughters and Feminism
Also published in Canadian Woman Studies: An Introductory Reader - 1999